I leaned back in my recliner one evening this week and closed my eyes, knowing sleep would come quickly. The next thing I knew, nearly two hours had passed. Napping hasn’t been an uncommon event for me over the past couple of months. I’m taking at least two medications that can (and do, at least for me) cause drowsiness. And a pain specialist recently doubled the dosage of one of those medications.
It’s all related to a pinched nerve in my back/neck. The medications help, but they also make me less productive as I silence my ringer sometimes so I can nap. That means doing less work and being less available. But I’m okay with all of that. In fact, I’m trying to find the positives in it.
Rather than feeling like I’m missing out, I consider what I’ll gain – energy and focus. Resting more means resisting expectations, pressures and habits that tell me I should always be doing something. Actually, I have come to realize that rest is doing something.
I should confess that I’m a recovering people-pleaser, so choosing what my body needs over what someone expects or demands isn’t easy. But it’s necessary, so I explain myself less often.
Not only do I have a pinched nerve in my back that causes severe arm pain, but I also have two vertebrae that have slipped forward in my lower back, so I often have tolerable pain when I stand or walk. And my right leg has chronic issues due to damage from a blood clot many years ago.
These conditions mean doctor visits, tests at the hospital, physical therapy, massage therapy, elevating my leg for long periods, the occasional hospital stay and yes, naps.
What we believe about God gets tested when we face hardship. That’s certainly been the case for me. Is he good, even when we get the prognosis we feared? Is he faithful, even when the hospital bills keep pouring in and we can’t pay them? Is he in control, even when everything feels out of control?
Yes. Yes. And yes.
He meets us in the hard places and sustains us. I need to be reminded of this sometimes, though. I suspect we all do.
I’m still able to get out and do some of the things I enjoy. I go to the river with my girlfriend. I take road trips. I meet friends for lunch or dinner. And I’m thankful for it all. I can’t bowl, play tennis or walk long distances anymore, and I miss those activities, but I’m focusing on what I can do, by God’s grace, rather than what I cannot do.
